Narrowboat fire

It was a beautiful, tranquil morning on the Kennet and Avon Canal, with nothing but the gentle quacking of ducks to disturb the peace. That is, until the unmistakable smell of burnt offerings—and not the Sunday roast kind—wafted across the water.

A narrowboat, charmingly named 'The Soggy Biscuit', had run into a spot of bother. A plume of smoke was billowing from its galley, suggesting a culinary experiment had gone catastrophically wrong. Panic? Not a bit of it. This is Britain, after all. The owner was seen calmly fanning the smoke away with a copy of The Daily Telegraph.

But fear not, for the cavalry was on its way, albeit at a stately 4mph. The crew of the 'New River Rescue' boat sped to the scene, their blue lights reflecting magnificently in the slightly murky water. They leapt into action with the kind of grim determination usually reserved for tackling a particularly stubborn jam jar lid. "It all got a bit smoky," admitted the boat's skipper, Barry, once the kerfuffle was over. "The toaster and I had a disagreement over the appropriate cooking time for a crumpet. The toaster won. I managed to save my cup of tea, which is the main thing."

The rescue crew, having successfully averted a crumpet-based catastrophe, were hailed as heroes. They checked the boat, gave Barry a stern lecture on appliance safety, and were reportedly on their way back to their station within the hour, just in time for their own tea break. It's all in a day's work for the brave men and women who keep our canals safe from breakfast-related disasters.